I don’t watch a ton of television or listen to local radio, so it took me until today to hear about The Anti-Gym. (http://www.theantigym.com/).

Holy crap dude.

If you have not heard of the company, or the owner Michael Karolchyk, let me give you the skinny. The anti-gym is basically a gym that focuses on client motivation. The site says

“But unlike the one-size-fits-all, sign-‘em-and-forget-‘em health clubs, Anti-Gym pre-screens all potential members to make sure they have the attitude and commitment we absolutely demand.”

They suggest that most “chubbies” are overweight because they are lazy. They also suggest that if you join their gym, you will be able to have sex with the lights on. Finally, they suggest that we should “save the chubbitos.”

“Anti-Gym is urging everyone to combat a rising U.S. epidemic by promoting legislation that formally defines childhood obesity as a form of child abuse with equal responsibilities and penalties to parents.”

There is too much here to talk about in one post, but I’ll hit the highlights today and mull the rest over for a while – specifically jail time for parents of overweight children, and just who the fuck thinks that is a good idea.

I was introduced to the Anti-gym through a television commercial wherein a large woman, while eating pie directly from the pie tin, tells her thin-yet-unattractive friend that she has a fridge full of beer so that men will want to have sex with her. You see, she is too fat to interest men. But, men like beer. And, drunk men will fuck anyone. The spot ends with Mr. Karolchyk smashing the pie in the woman’s face and calling her a “chubbie.”

First, it troubles me that there are actually people in the world who feel that overweight people have no value. In our culture thinner people are perceived as healthier and more attractive. But, so are young people. So are rich people. So are lots of things that I am not. If I ran a business where I promised to make people richer and younger – would it be ok for me to make commercials where I degraded poor old people?

And, what about fat dudes? How do they trick women into having sex with them? No, I’m asking – does anyone have any ideas on how fat men trick women into having sex with them?

For the record, my wife and I do have sex with the lights on. I imagine there are lots of people that do, and not all of them are super-thin or super-young. Perhaps it’s true that when skinny people have sex with other skinny people, they enjoy it. But, I’m guessing it is also true that when chubby people have sex with chubby people, they also enjoy it. In fact, there are skinny men who enjoy having sex with chubby women. I saw a CSI about it once.

I think the reason the commercial bugged me is that I don’t think that working out in a gym is for everyone, just like I don’t think playing guitar is for everyone. If you choose to go to the gym, that’s cool. But, don’t try to degrade me because I chose to sit on my ass and watch That’s So Raven re-runs. It’s my life. And, yes, being overweight can be unhealthy. But, steroids can be unhealthy as well, and I don’t see you shoving roids down a dude’s throat in your commercials. (I only mention the roid thing because, well…)

My wife has heard more about them. Apparently the gym’s methods of motivating are…unique. They throw cupcakes at people. If you don’t make your goals they put you in a cage. You can’t get into the clothing-optional sauna (with all the thin attractive ready to have sex people) unless you are under a certain BMI. Fun stuff like that.

The most preposterous thing of the whole Anti-Gym thing comes from the blog of Lisa Pelster. (http://theantigym.blogspot.com/) I didn’t read enough to know who she is in relation to the gym. But, you gotta read this quote.

“Why do MEN call in and complain about the commercials? I can understand a woman getting her panties in a bunch over the commercials (plus, with a large rear end, underwear tends to move out of place). A chubby woman especially, may take these commercials personally and find it offensive (due to denial and the harsh truth- plus Sophia in the commercial may be your cake eating buddy). The “small” women who call in, well, as they claim, call in because they have fat friend. And they find the commercial offensive to their “friend”, and don‘t want their feelings to be hurt.

“But, men. What could possibly drive a man to call the Anti Gym about the ad. I would think that the average man will either chuckle or ignore it. Why would he call in with a nasty attitude? Karolchyk’s comment on the commercial is “You’ll never get a hubby if you’re a chubby”! How does any man take this personally or get flustered because of this marketing ploy?”

Seriously? If I was offended by you punching some chick in the face, would that surprise you? So, when I see you degrading a fellow human – a person with feelings and stuff – should I not get offended? Basically, this extremely long quote tells me that Ms. Pelster doesn’t get it.

One last one. If I ran a company that made a product that made you taller, would it be ok for me to shove a pie in a short man’s face and call him shrimp or midget? Because, I mean, tall people can have sex with the lights on, and stuff.

You can read the 5280 article here