Oh my god, you won’t believe this. I was driving to work this morning, and…nothing happened.

OK, so maybe you will believe it – I know I do. In fact, I’m getting quite used to nothing happening. I was pretty psyched when I heard that a satellite might hit the earth, because I was thinking, like you, that maybe it would knock us off our rotation and summer would come a few months early, and stick around for several hundred years. (I’m d-o-n-e with winter.)

Plus, I thought it might just make a giant hole in the earth and we’d have at least a couple of weeks of semi-interesting news coverage about the hole where there used to be a town. (Note: It wouldn’t be an important town – but maybe just a nice mid-sized town like Omaha or Waco.) But, I heard this morning that the Air Force, or maybe it was NASA, blew up the stupid satellite.

That must be how the people in Superman’s world felt all the time. “Holy crap, a giant monster is destroying the…oh, never mind. Back to your stupid normal lives now. Thanks, superman.”

I’m not advocating tragedy. But, if aliens came to take over our world, I’d be pretty excited. I mean, you watch all these shows about how black holes are just sucking stuff out of the universe into non-existence (or maybe to the other side where there is a magic fairy-land) but we’re stuck here on Earth going to work every day because we think it matters. Why can’t a black hole open up in our solar system and suck us into it?

I’m just saying, it’s been a slow news week, so if there were a polar bear loose in Florida, I’d probably watch that.

Go back to work now.