Happy Easter Monday to all to all my friends in Australia, Canada, NZ, and UK – except Scotland. According to my calendar, you are all celebrating Easter one day late this year. Good for you. I’ve often thought that we should move Easter back a little – at least until Winter has loosened its icy grip on ground giving the flowers a chance to open their eyes and look around. I think they call that “Spring.” I was going to ask when Scotland celebrates Easter, but I looked it up.

“Easter in Scotland is celebrated much like the rest of the world. There are the traditional Easter Feasts and church on Easter Sunday and the days leading up to Pasch (Easter) or Càisg (in Scottish Gaelic). In olden days there were those who lit huge fires to celebrate the beginning of spring and the end of winter.”
In olden days they lit huge fires, but today that’s called arson. Because the author of the above quote said Gaelic, I decided to keep reading, which is how I found this.

“Easter, like the Passover, follows the Jewish lunar calendar and thus it fall on the first Sunday after the full moon, following the Spring Equinox.”

This all gets a little confusing because I thought the ground hog told us when Spring started, not the equinox. (I’ve never even seen an equinox – are they extinct now?) Also, I’m surprised that, in this day and age, the folks in charge of holiday marketing are still following lunar cycles. What is this, 1471?

There is a poem here, so you can remember when Easter is coming, in case you do not have a calendar, or the internet, or television, or you never go into a store.

That is an odd mix – Australia, Canada, New Zealand and UK except Scotland. I’d be interested to know why these countries celebrate Easter on Monday. The beauty of the internet is that I don’t have to be interested long, because, again, I can just look it up. According to Wikipedia, “Easter Monday on the Catholic liturgical calendar is the second day of the octave of Easter Week.”

Oh, I see. So, where does the Easter Bunny fit in?

Of course, you can’t really trust Wikipedia. My father-in-law goes around Wikipedia inserting “Richard Nixon was the President at this time,” into every article he reads, so that you get quotes like “In 1492 Christopher Columbus set sail for the new world. Richard Nixon was President at this time.”

Wait, what’s this? “Though not largely observed in the United States, the day (Easter Monday) remains informally observed in some areas such as the state of North Dakota, and the cities of Buffalo, New York and South Bend, Indiana. ” So, there are Americans that secretly celebrate Easter on Monday? Sneaky. Well, happy Easter Monday to my friends in North Dakota, Buffalo and South Bend.

“Early Christians celebrated the days immediately following Easter – the most important holy day in the Christian church – by telling jokes, playing pranks, and feasting on lamb. People would add fragrant oil or perfume to the Easter water they brought home from church, and then use this water to sprinkle and bless their food, pets, gardens, and homes.

“On Easter Monday morning, men would wake their wives with a spritz of the perfumed Easter water as they whispered, “May you never wither.” On Easter Tuesday, women would return the favor as they awakened their husbands with a bucketful of the scented water!”

May you never wither, roughly translated, means “If this is truly magic water then maybe if I sprinkle it on you, you will stay young and healthy and also the dog will not die and the garden will grow and maybe this lamb won’t taste so gamey.”

I guess that says it all. People are freaking insane. Spritzing their dogs and lamb and wives with the scented holy water? How much water did people bring home from church? At least a bucketful, according to the above quote. Who carries a bucket of water back from church? Maybe folks in North Dakota, or South Bend.

Have a Happy Easter Monday Everybody. May you never wither. (pretend I am sprinkling you.)