It is noon on a Friday, so I realize many of you are already on your way home, at least mentally, but I saw something disturbing this morning, and I really feel like I need to discuss it.

I was lying in the dentist chair pretending that the super-awesome dentist lady (we’ll call her Shawnee) was not sticking a sharp metal thingy in my gums. Shawnee really is awesome – mainly because she thinks I am funny even while she is elbow deep in my mouth, and also she is sort of cute. But, despite all of that, she was still poking me, so I had to focus on something else, or risk the embarrassment of whimpering like a stepped-on puppy in front of cute dentist girl.

So, my eyes wandered over to the television that they keep around for just for this sort of occasion, and I could not help but notice that five guys, who looked like an aged version of New Kids on the Block, were fumbling around on a stage singing songs that sounded a lot like New Kids on the Block songs. Of course, I knew then that Shawnee had slipped me something – probably in hopes that I would pass out and she could have her way with me – because it is 2008, a good twenty years too late for NKOTB to be singing and attempting to dance.

“Why are you watching the 1989 Thanksgiving parade,” I asked Shawnee? You see, there were lots of cars, and throngs of people, and so to me it looked like a parade. I realize now that the performance was in New York, and so New York must just always look like a parade.

“This is the Today show”, she replied, “So I’m pretty sure it’s from today.”

“But, so, then, why are those guys singing New Kids on the Block songs?” Realize, of course, that I have someone else’s hands in my mouth, so it was more of a “Buth, tho, whyth are thoth guyth…” you get the point. Dentists have to take a course in this dialect so they understand it.

“I heard that they were getting back together,” Shawnee said, “Don’t tell me you’re not excited. Let’s here some La-La-Las Jay”

“Tha-tha-tha, Thonithth,” I sang.

In fact, I am not excited. I am appalled. I was in High School when NKOTB first became popular. I can honestly say that as a 17 year old male, the group (I hesitate to call them a band) had absolutely no appeal to me. There were just a bunch of fruity-loser dudes dancing around on stage and singing sappy bubble-gum songs. Sure, they can carry a tune, but have you ever seen any of them play guitar? No, you have not, and there is a reason for that.

When I got to work I did some research (went to Wikipedia) and discovered that NKOTB have indeed “gotten back together.” This is sort of amazing because MTV tried to get them together for the VMAs in 1999, and the Show “Bands Reunited” attempted again in 2004. Both attempts proved unsuccessful. Yet, in April of 2008, the five thirty-something former pop sensations decided that it was finally time to cash in on their former fame. I can’t say I blame them, but I also can’t say that I will be rushing to download any of their songs – old or new.

I was also amazed that all the guys are really thin. As a thirty-something guy, I like to think that my physique is sort of age-appropriate. (This keeps me from having to exercise.) But, these dudes are all really skinny. Fortunately for the cynic in me, they still looked like old Haggar-pants wearing white guys when they tried to dance, so my heart was able to smile a little. You can probably find the performance on YouTube, and I suggest you do if only to see the other really inappropriate thing – the backup dancers. Someone in their organization decided it would be a fun idea to have cutesy blond girls in skimpy clothes dance along with them. But, it was raining. Hard. So, these poor girls look like idiots. Not their fault, but still funny.

I’ve said it before, and I am sure I will have to say it again – the music industry has completely gone to hell. If there is truly demand for NKOTB today, then we might as well all pack up our iPods, ship them off to Uganda and pretend like nothing has actually happened, musically, for the past 20 years. This morning, as I was leaving the dentist office, Shawnee slipped me a Tiffany/Debbie Gibson mix tape, so I’m way ahead of you.